...

You know that verse from Jeremiah? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." My mom was talking to a friend of mine about faith and trusting in God. She mentioned this verse, but then she said that people focus on this verse and the rarely look at the one that follows: "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Basically, she said, most people think that all they have to do is sit back, relax, and wait for God's great plan for their lives to work out. But we forget that knowing Him takes more than simply sitting back and waiting. We ignore that second verse because it takes discipline and conscious effort.
And I know that this seems so standard, basic... But I must admit that I have done that probably for the majority of my life. I take it for granted that things will just work out and that God will simply be there. And that is true, to some extent, but I have certainly not put any real effort into relationship (whatever that means, anyway) with God for the past four years. Occasionally I have, sure, when something big comes up. But I feel like I'm missing something...something structural... I dunno. For some reason, what my mom said struck me.
I feel like this isn't coming out right...I'm sick of cliche Christian phrases to describe my spiritual life... perhaps that is why I don't do anything in that department...I want to avoid the 'standard' Christian life...I'm so incredibly sick of organized religion and all that comes with it, that I prefer the comfort of un-involment and lazy acknowledgment but disregard for the presence of God. Perhaps I am too hard on myself... I do sense God, all the time. I don't know how to word it, but I feel him... But I'm happy with that and want nothing more. But shouldn't I?
In any case, something is 'amuck'...
And now I'm going to bed...

If I could be a superhero, I'd be a super-spider-terminator...

I had a small moment of success today. The kid I take on respite outings on Monday's usually eats only the meat out of whatever the meal of the day is. Last time we had pizza, he refused to eat anything other than the meat and cheese. Today, I got him to eat the whole thing, crust, bread, and everything! I wanted to tell everyone there how excited I was, but no one was too interested... so I'll just tell you all now, instead.

Spiders, it seems, can sense fear, and use it to their advantage for the sake of pure entertainment. They choose those who are most afraid of spiders to crawl onto, picking the especially ticklish parts (like neck, ankles, calves, underside of arms). Then, they wait for the moment where their victim notices that the tickle is not a stray hair or caused by the breeze. The spider pauses, bracing himself for the reaction to come, in which the victim loses all sense of decorum and social reserve by making awful and amusing screeches and snorts while dancing around, flailing arms and legs, and occasionally flapping items of clothing (its especially best when the spider can make his way under particularly important articles of clothing, which enhances the reaction). I firmly believe that all spiders around the particular room where the event occurs are doubled over in laughter, and the spider himself is the hero of the hour in spider world.

Dishes, Macy Gray, and the mysterious speaker found on one of Josh's old cd's...

This morning I actually slept until 11! That was after a restless night, waking up at 5am to pee, and dreaming that my girls from work followed me home (cept, it wasn't my house, just some other house that I somehow knew was my house...know how that goes in dreams?), and they would not leave even though I kept yelling at them to leave me alone... I think I've been working a little too much...
After rolling out of bed to again use the bathroom (I seriously have the bladder of a 5yr old), I went to Fairway to get coffee creamer and load up on fruit. While picking out some mangos, some older looking (40s-50s) guy walks by and says, "How YOU doing today?", in a very Count Olaf creepy sort of way. I half smiled and turned away. Later, I caught him staring at me from different parts of the store. He was standing by the meat section on the back wall when I wanted to get the creamer, so I cut through the middle of the store, through the aisles. I look up, and there he is, walking toward me. I turn to the left to pick out some dishsoap, and he follows me. Then he says, "I'm not following you or anything, just trying to get out of here" - yeah, through the easiest route in the store... freaky fucker. Then, later he passes me again and says, "You have a nice day now", and gives me a twice over. I coulda slapped him. Where are the big, trusty, male friends when you need them? Ugh.
When I got home, I vented my frustration into dishes with Matt. We cleaned up the kitchen and it looks amazing...well, as amazing as a carpeted, 50's-style kitchen can look...It seems that cleaning seems to be our favorite thing to do together. Weird. I have to admit though, I actually enjoy it. My mother would be shocked.
We listened to this cd found in a pile of my cd's, that I am very sure was never mine. First some great, crazy music, then some interview or lecture from this mysterious man. He talked about finding God in literature, realizing the Jesus was sent to fix his Father's mistakes, and that the reason the gospel of Thomas was dismissed was that the Christians of the day did not want to accept the truth that we are divine and that God needs us for His presence and power to be expressed. I found him interesting, though I must say that the only credible thing he said was that imagination is one of the most powerful avenues to finding God. Anyway, I'm really curious as to who that was...
Now, I am listening to Macy Gray, who I forgot that I liked, and taking a break before cleaning the bathroom. I wonder what this house will look like after I leave... Unless Matt stays here, it's just going to go to shit, I fear. :)

Anyone up for camping the weekend before Dane and I leave?

No matter what time I go to bed, I cannot sleep past 10 anymore...

I'm in the process of burning all of Dane's music... I've decided that I want to buy more cd's after this, however, instead of bumming off of other people all the time. There's something nice about actually owning the album, getting all the pretty pictures and words that come with it...
Ann called today, and I got to talk to her for a few minutes. Ann, I miss you. What's great is that after not seeing or talking to each other in months, it felt like we just picked up where we left off, with none of that awkward catching up bullshit. Wish you were here...or I was there... :)
Last night, Carmela and I decided to take Cal up on his offer to use his jacuzzi while he is gone... So we invited a few other people to come with us, and we sat around the tub with our feet in the water drinking beer. Very relaxing. The night came to an end however, when I used the toilet, and after flushing I heard someone yelling from downstairs, "Stop using water!!!" A pipe blew or something, and water was pouring from the ceiling onto Cal's (really nice) piano, and all over his newly finished hardwood floor...
Shit.
In a weird way, I pissed all over Cal's piano.
Double shit.
We cleaned up as well as we could, but poor Cal is going to have alot of work to do.
I'm listening to Ani Difranco at the moment...I think she sounds alot like Alanis Morriset...or Alanis sounds like her. Whatever. I like DiFranco a little more, her music is less decorated (hmm...that's not the word I'm looking for, but my vocabulary seems to be perpetually shrinking).
Ah, Justine, "Both hands" is playing. I think I might even like your 'cover' of it better.
I gotta work. Have a good one, all.

Post-midnight random thoughts while trying to stay awake on the overnight shift...

While explaining to my mom what exactly a blog is, I decided that I like this blogging thing... it saves me the trouble of writing lots of emails, the discomfort of sending mass emails, and the guilt of never actually sending any emails, while giving me a way to keep in touch with people I care about. I hate to think that after a few years, my college friends will be strangers. I hope this blogging thing we've all got going on continues for years. It's good.
Home, to me, is a very relative term. I've never really had one in particular. Home happens when I have people who care about me, who I can feel safe and comfortable with, and who I look forward to spending lazy evenings with discussing anything that comes to mind. As I helped my parents move out of their home of the past four years, (a house that never felt like home to me and always like I was just a visitor when seeing my parents), I realized that Sioux Center, IA has become my home. Not because I love the town (if it weren't for Dordt and the people in it, I'da left long ago...), but because of you all. So, to finish off this cheezy moment... Thank you to all of you who have helped make this my home for the past few years. I think I will miss this home as much as much as I have missed my Mexico home.

On a completely different note, my aversion to spiders has become a phobia, with good reason. I was putting gas in my car, on the way to MI this weekend, and I felt something on my neck. Assuming it was just a wayward strand of hair, I took no notice of it...until the light tickle turned into a sharp prick. I grabbed at whatever was on my neck and threw it onto my car. It was a huge spider! I was bit by a spider that came out of nowhere! The next few hours consisted of me checking my forhead every five minutes to make sure I wasn't getting a fever, consciously taking note of any heart rate changes, and waiting for my neck to swell up until I couldn't breath any more and died, sending the car careening off the road and taking Matt with me to his untimely death. Of course, that didn't happen, and I didn't even get a bite mark to show for it... The emotional scars, however, are permanent. For the past few days, any time I feel even a slight tickle or brush of something anywhere on my body, I freak out and start flailing arms, jumping around, and brushing away every imaginary eight-legged creature on me.

There is a fly buzzing around my head at this moment, and it's driving me insane...

I went today with my family to the church that my dad has been working in for the past 6 months. They heard him preach once and invited him to work there for a little while. The church is small - today I think there were 25-30 people there, including my family, which consisted of about a third of the congregation. Today was potluck-worship, or something like that, where they don't really have a particular schedule to follow...just kinda "go with the flow" idea. Some people gave testimonies, others asked for prayer, others chose a song for everyone to sing, (which everyone sang enthusiastically and totally off-key most of the time...great stuff). It also happened to be the last service my dad would be there for, so alot of people had something to say to the family. It was nice. I had a feeling of nostalgia the whole time, even though I've never been there before.
Chairs were placed in the middle of the room, around a microphone. On one side, a huge sofa sat in place of the chairs, with handwritten sign pinned on it, reading "Reserved for Ruth". She and her husband sat there...he's on chemo, so he gets sofa-privileges for a while. Kids sat on the floor playing with little toys from home or drawing, occasionally making enough noise to merit a squeeze on the shoulder from a nearby adult. The guy leading the service wore shorts with white socks almost up to his knees and dad-style sneakers - super geeky, but very at ease. One couple walked in late - he had a long beard and a mohawk style cut, though he hadn't spiked it this morning. They were all open with each other, chatting ocassionally, joking and laughing sometimes, really seeming to enjoy being there together.
The church felt alot like my church back home - a small handful of societies scraggly, unordinary, interesting people, with alot of love for each other. That's what struck me the most, I think, the love I mean. I wasn't there long before I sensed that this congregation knew each other, good, bad. Had been through alot together. Would stick their necks out for each other if it ever came to it. It felt like I was sitting in a family get-together. Or as my brother put it, a support group meeting. That's how it should be, don't you think?
Throughout the entire service, I held in the urge to cry. I'd forgotten how good it is to have that.

I'm going to bed.

Ay, ay, ay, ay! Canta, no llores...!

Today was a sad day for Mexico... I'm so bummed they didn't make it to the next round... but I am proud they made it this far, at least. And today's game was pretty good! A vast improvement from the last.
I went canoeing today. I should do that more often. I also caught fireflies with my little sisters. I should also do that more often.
I realized today (again...) that this is the last time I will be seeing my family for a while. I don't see them much anyway, but somehow, being on the other side of the world makes the time seem that much longer. I think we always assumed that when we all grew up, my sisters, brother, and I would move to different parts of the world and see each other only at Christmas. But now that we are actually growing up and getting closer to that assumption, it's sorta sad. I'm used to it, but when I'm with them, I feel like I'm missing out. No one knows me like my family (well...granted, there are things you guys know that they don't...but those are minor things)... We had the same history, we think similarly, we see things most often alike... I don't have that much with many people, and here I could have it all the time with my family, but instead I choose to move to the other side of the world where no one knows where I'm coming from or what I'm talking about, and half the time they can't even understand what I am saying! What a crazy life...

$%^#&*...!!!

I have no kind words going through my head after the Mexico-Angola game today. Mexico played horribly. Carmela, Matt, Cal, and I painted our faces and were ready to make a ride down Main St. with out flags and everything... What a downer.
I'm too bummed to write anything else.
Ugh.

Most used phrase of Vanderploeg family: "Well, it coulda been worse..."

So, my dad is in the hospital today. (For those of you not keeping track, my family, mostly my dad, has had some sort of accident or catastrophe pretty much every month of this year...) He smashed his finger somehow while mowing a lawn and doing yardwork. My sister took him to the hospital and said it looks like an overcooked hotdog that split open.
Nice.
The bone is fine, but he lost some skin so will need some grafting.
Best part of the whole deal: It's his middle finger. Once it's wrapped, his hand will be in permanent "birdie" position for a couple weeks.
(To really understand the humor of this you have to picture him, a pastor, giving a sermon at some conservative reformed church in this condition... Yes. It's funny.)
Mom joked that she should tie him to a rocking chair and stick him in a corner to avoid further accidents... However, she figures he'd probably manage to tip the chair over and smash his head.
What a family.

VIVA MEXICO!!!

Mexico beat Iran, 3-1, in it's first World Cup game of 2006!!! The first half was soooo exciting, then super frustrating, then disappointing. The second half was amazing!!! 2 goals within five minutes of each other! Woohoo!
Carmela and I just drove down Main St. honking the horn, me waving a Mexican flag out the window, and both of us singing "ole-ole-ole-oleeeeee! oleeee! oleeee!" We ran into a few Mexican looking people, and yelled "Viva Mexico!" as we passed. You shoulda seen the looks we got from most people...a few Mexicans waved back at us, a few smiled and shook there heads, and most other people raised a couple of eyebrows... BUT I DON'T CARE! CAUSE MEXICO WON!
Chiquitibum-ala-bim-bom-bao! Chiquitibum-a-la-bim-bom-bao! A-la-bio, A-la-bao, A-la-bim-bom-bao! Mexico, Mexico! Ra-ra-ra!!!!

Cheers to life...

So, today I woke up to the joys of being a woman, followed by the realization that I wasn't prepared, and the further recollection that I had nothing in my bankaccount... Yeah! for post-dating checks... Nothing like running to Walmart at 7am to pick up the necessary products and then to be greeted by the way-too-chipper cashier's "Oh! One of those days huh? Find everything you need?!" Of course I found what I needed... Otherwise I wouldn't be standing in the register line, I'd be wandering around looking for what I needed or trying to find someone who could tell me where to find it.
I also realized that I had cracked the nail on my pinky toe when I stubbed it last night while walking around in the dark, and had bled all over my room. It hurts like a mother poodle, too.
As I was poking at my toe (you know how when you get a bruise you just have to poke at it? poke - ow - poke - ow...etc., as if you want to make sure it's still there or something?), I caught in my peripheral vision this long, feathery shadow with a hundred legs right on the wall next to my head. It fell into my purse, which I dragged quickly and calmly into the kitchen where it fell out of my purse and started crawling straight toward me at which point I lost all sense of calm and started jumping and screaming much to Dane's amusement. He saved me. So brave. The mystery bug is dead. I found out it was a centipede. I thought they were skinnier than that...
Then, I developed this incredibly annoying twitch in my eye that still hasn't gone away as I write this. Every time my eye twitches, half of my vision turns bouncy. Not to mention, it just feels weird.
On the upside, I got a 100$ check from Dordt in the mail today! (No more worrying about that check I wrote this morning!) And even though it was just my housing deposit and the money was technically my own already anyway, it felt like a gift. "It's my birthday present to me! I'm so happy!" (quote).
Another upper moment was when I was sitting outside with Kevin and Matt and suddenly Matt looked down at his shorts and said calmly "Oh shit. I just got pooped on."
Finally, driving to work was pretty sweet. The sky in front of me was super dark, broken only by various shades and shapes of lightning. Some of it was even red. Crazy. Yesterday when I drove to work, the sky was orange, the clouds were purple, and the sun was deep red. Days like those make getting up at 5:30 for the 6am shift at work worth it. Now, I have to stay up for another seven hours, keeping myself busy with a few chores and maybe a movie or two, before I can go home at 6am. And my eye is still twitching. Ugh.

Funny how grass actually smells like grass...

Went to Canada with Carmela and Dane last week. I don't care what Josh and Justine say, but Calgary is a beautiful city, and I could live there anyday if the occasion arose.
We stayed with my aunt who has a bed-n-breakfast (cute, cozy, relaxing) and who did her best to pack an extra ten pounds on us each by the end of the week. She cooks only organic and natural foods, very healthy, but seriously, much more than I am used to. Climbing to the top of Sulfur Mountain put a slight dent in the ten pounds, and almost killed me. I am embarassingly out of shape.
On the mountain, about half way up, we found a waterfall. It was at least 70*F, but the banks of the waterfall were still covered with snow. It was heaven.
We herded cattle with my uncle and cousins. New experience. I loved it. I was horrible at it, but it was fun. My poor uncle was probably getting pretty frustrated with us city kids. Carmela's a natural, or at least better than I am... Dane didn't fair so well. Ask him about it.
On the way home we stopped in Montana. We hung out with Alan and Jeff. That was just plain good. Montana is absolutely gorgeous.
So, we got back from Canada on Sunday night, and it was back to work on Monday. I work afternoons, so I tend to go to bed way too late, sleep in till noon, have a slow breakfast, and then head of too work again. I see my roommates only in passing these days...with the exception of Matt, who's still looking for a job. I must say, of all the roommates, I have the best job I think. I get to hang out with my girls, go to the pool, watch movies, go bowling, play basketball (rather horribly)...
This is gonna be a good summer...

Sweet dreams...

Every week or so, I dream about a spider. Each time, the spider is different (I once dreamt of one that looked like a ballsack with legs...absolutely freaky). But always the spider somehow manages to get onto my body somehow, and no matter what I do, I cannot get rid of it. If somehow I get it off of me, it jumps back on, and it follows me everywhere. I wake up whimpering or yelling, with arms flailing everywhere as I try to brush off the disgusting creature. The terror experienced is completely disproportional to the size of the stupid things...but what to do?
Sometimes I love sleep, especially those nights when I cannot remember my dreams, or when I have those sorts of dreams that you never want to wake up from. But sometimes sleep is no where I want to be... I am somewhere between worlds, where reality and dream are mixed with insanity, and I cannot sleep enough to escape or wake enough to reason.

Yeah!, for late nights and early mornings...

I need to stop staying up so late when I have to be up early the next day. I'm so incredibly non-functional in the morning. Coffee is my ultimate saving substance.
I'm at work at the moment, and only one girl is home, and she is doing her homework, so I have some free minutes. She asks me for help once in a while, but she's pretty good at working on her own. I have these wonderful proud motherly moments when she asks me to check it and I can tell her she "did a good job!". Speaking of which, it's mother's day today... I talked to my mom for a good 2 min on the phone. Somehow that doesn't seem right. The all-night serenade-runs to all the mothers in our church with our youth group back home seem much more fitting.
I'm going to Alberta in a week, with Carmela and Dane. I'm excited! We picked a bad week to do it though, cause I'm gonna miss a wedding and I'll miss seeing Margo and Scott. :( You guys coming down again this summer?
Oh, crap...homework crisis.... Gotta run.

First post

This is my very own first post on my very own first blog... Actually, I created two already, but forgot the passwords, so that didn't work too well. This time I'll be sure to remember.
I graduated last week. Strange feeling. Well...I really don't feel anything particularly strong about it at the moment. Relief maybe. I went camping a couple days ago, and for the first time I was not distracted with thoughts of assigments and papers I had to finish by next week, meetings to get to, etc. Super relaxed.
Josh left today. That was a sad moment. He'll be missed greatly...
Now the only guitar heard around this place will be Dane playing the same song over and over again. (Hehe). Actually, I'm impressed with how much he's improving...mostly I'm impressed with his commitment to it. More than myself, for sure.
This blog thing is strange... We write a pagefull of random thoughts and assume others will be actually interested in reading it. I suppose that's fair. I like reading other people's blogs. It fulfills some sense of curiousity...and keeps me informed when I'm too lazy to write emails.
That said, I conclude my first post...
Cheers.