Last week I attempted to find my grade for my last exam. I found out that I had been kicked out (without any warning or notification!) because I hadn't handed in some paper from the city that say's I'm here legally. I got the paper, brought it to the VU, found out that actually, no, that wasn't the right paper, I needed a different one. Ok, so I go get that one. I could expect to be fully registered (finally!) by Monday, and then I could check my test grades.
Wednesday I got back to the house around 11pm, and an envelope was waiting for me on the ladder to my room. Ah, a letter from the VU telling me that I was finally officially registered.
I opened it, reading the Dutch side first. Thinking I misunderstood what it said, I quickly switched to the English side. No, I was right the first time: "Dear Miss Vanderploeg. We regret to inform you that you may not follow this study part-time... We are therefore returning your application file... If you wish to follow this study, please apply for the full-time program... If you are not happy with this decision, you may contact so-and-so and write a letter of complaint as well as a proposal for an exception to the rule to so-and-so..."
You've got to be kidding me.
I've been there for three months. The entire time I have run around from office to office trying to complete everything necessary for registration. I have talked to both the Psychology Department and the Hoofgebouw (main building...basically, the big guys), and even met several times with the secretary of the exam commission (who just so happens to be the advisor for the psych department). When I attempted to talk to anyone, I was always first sent to the other building where I was usually told that they couldn't do anything and I should go to the other building for help.
-I've already been there.
-Oh, well, I really can't help you, go talk to them.
-Fine.
Back at the first building.
-Oh, you're back.
-Yes, they told me only you can help me.
-Oh. Ok. Well, let's see what we can do.
Three months. Each time, my file was looked over for any missing details. Each time something else came up. But never once did any one mention that I couldn't even study the program in the first place.
What the hell?
So, what should I do? Sign up and pay for fulltime and just study parttime? Or attempt through several letters, more meetings, and another long line of bullshit, to be granted an exception?
I went to the VU yesterday to figure out what to do. First, to the Hoofgebouw.
-Yup, can't study parttime. Those are the rules.
-Why wasn't I told this from the beginning???
-I'm sorry, I really don't know.
-What can I do?
-Well, the letter says...
-I know what it says. Those are my only options?
-Yes. (Giving me an angry look, as if somehow my being angry about the past three months and this, the final straw, was somehow unfair or inconveniencing her...)
-There's nothing else-
-Those are the rules. But you should talk to someone from the psych department.
-This is ridiculous! How am I supposed to know this? Some one should have told me so I wouldn't have to go through all this running around. (I explain further about the last six months. She looks annoyed)
-Go talk to someone from the psych department. Maybe they can help.
-Fine. Thanks for your help. (Very sarcastic, angry undertone.)
To the psychology building. I run into the psych department advisor - ah! Just the man I want to speak to! I explain my situation. He looks at the letter.
-Oh, yeah. You can't study parttime. It's a psych department rule.
-Nice. So, why wasn't I told this before?
-I don't know. But it's not allowed.
-Well, I can't study full-time.
-I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. Those are the rules.
-Well, if the rules are so important, they should be made a whole lot clearer for students attempting to get into this place!
-Yes, well, that's the way it is.
-There's nothing you can do?
-Let's meet tomorrow.
-Ok.
But, after a couple of frustrated tears, a long talk on the phone with my mom, and a good cup of coffee with Dane, I've decided to forget it. I wished once that I could have an excuse to quit - perhaps I wished too loudly and God heard me. Suddenly I wasn't so sure about this wish. This sucks - I want to study! Maybe I should take this as a challenge, stick it out. Prove that I can do it. But, I think my mother is right about two things: 1) If I'm not carefull, I will stress myself out too much and at somepoint have some sort of breakdown. I am in a different culture, country, world, I have a relatively stressful job, I don't know many people here...etc., there are many reasons that I should be stressed already, and allowing myself to continue to be stressed by a university that has a horrible administration system is not going to help. The benefits are too low anyway - it's not worth it. 2) Perhaps God is breaking down a bit of my pride. I'm definately having lots of opportunity for that this year. But one of my biggest pride issues is doing things on my own. I like to be independent. I want to show that I can take a little shit without breaking down like a baby. But maybe this time I can't, and that's ok. So... thanks, Mom, for putting things in a different perspective for me.
Thursday I felt an incredible amount of regret, but now I just feel relief. Even the idea of not having to deal with the VU anymore has relieved some stress.
Now, on to finding a yoga class and maybe even a photography course!
