ouderen dagverzorging

today i worked the activity center at the old folks home (which when translated literally actually is "old people daycare"), on my own for the first time. went well.

i think i remembered all the things i was supposed to do throughout the day.

was told several times i was made for the job. (it includes: serving coffee, twice; setting the table and serving lunch; serving drinks at 'borrel' time; playing endless games of rummikub; pasting cut-outs onto cards and making them look pretty so the old ladies can boast about their cardmaking abilities to the happy recipients; helping old ladies in an out of their chairs and occasionally helping them in the bathroom; pushing wheelchairs to and from the hairdresser; smiling alot and listening to the same stories for the third, fourth, fiftieth time...).

the taxi was late picking up some of the ladies. lots of grumbling.

just about lost my cool when i couldn't figure out which of the 7 listed taxi services i was supposed to call to find out where the hell they were with 11 old ladies offering kind suggestions in the background...figured it out, called, complained in a chipper voice, then heard the ladies hollering that he was there before i could finish saying "well, it can happen to anyone...".

and finally headed home, exhausted.

apparently coffee, cookies and rummikub suck the energy right out of you.

bought some haring and onions on the way home to revive me. yumm!

pesky little things, like mosquitos...

i realized yesterday that i am carrying a few grudges. and of course the other person has likely no idea.

like that guy who i knew at dordt my freshman year... he was a sophomore. we knew each other from a work group we led together in mexico a year before that. he broke up with his girlfriend at the time cause he thought we had a shot. but a year is a long time i guess. he looked me up when i get to dordt. we hung out a few times. he even kissed me on the nose once. then he asked me out on my birthday, but i was going away for a weekend conference, so the date was set for after i got back. the day i got back i called him for a quick ride to walmart, and on the way back he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship blahblahblah, and a week later had a new girlfriend and he never talked to me again unless i spoke to him first and then it was agonizingly awkward....

and this girl, i'll say no names, who i'm convinced never really liked me cause of, well, can't say cause then you might know who i am talking about...but who i once heard had said something about me being a dumb blonde.

then there's this person who i have tried so hard to be nice to cause, well, it's a really annoying person who is very difficult to like, but i have been going out of my way to be kind and pleasant and helpful and to invite them along to things cause we're called to love but not necessarily like our neighbor, right? anyway, recently this person, for whom subtlety is not a known concept mind you, mentioned appreciation for a couple at church who have been so kind and treated the person so well and "not in a charity kind of way but actually meant it, not like other people around here"....

(deep breath)

just thinking about them annoys me again.

well, here's my attempt to forgive 'em.
bugger.

julio?

the world cup is over and the fever has broken. the orange fans have gone home and the dutch team is off consoling themselves with the 24million euros won for second place. can't say i feel too sorry for them any more. though, it's never really about the money. not for a cup. i assume, anyway.

i'm making a quilt. who knew i had the patience? and actually, i really enjoy it. so i am afraid that from now on, friends getting married or having babies or with a landmark birthday can expected a quilt or something of the sort from me... at least for as long as this phase lasts. for a while it was paintings. i'm sure something new will show up for it's share of obsession.

still no job. though, a decent prospect as a part-time personal assistant/care-giver/whatever you cal it in English to a 14yr old boy with epilepsie and some sort of brain damage. i'm pretty sure i can do that. and with that job, i could keep up my old lady projects and still do my Dutch course and a coaching/counseling program on the side. i hope i get it. it'd be the perfect job for the next year, actually.

we've been in this house for over six months now. and i'm getting the urge to rearrange furniture and repaint some walls. if i can hold out for a full year, then possibly Luuk might be more willing and able to adjust to the changes. in this one area, we are not a good match. he likes things to stay the same, to always be able to know where to find things (though he never does, even if it hasn't changed location in months), to know what to expect; and i like to rearrange and redecorate, i get the moving-itch within a year (only held at bay by an occasional trip to some exotic country far away), and start to feel uncomfortable if things have been the same for more than six months. maybe, if i stretch my changes out a bit, say paint one wall this month, move a book shelf next month, re-arrange the kitchen cupboards the month after that, and so on, it might be enough to keep my urges under control and not drive Luuk too crazy all at once...

you'll ne-e-e-v-er walk a-a-a-lone!

well. it's over. for the first time in 32 years, Holland was in the World Cup finals. For the 3rd time, a world record mind you, Holland lost in the finals. and for one night, several million people shared the same disappointment at the same moment. tears were shed, a few curse words passed through the air (mainly aimed at a particular referee; what was his beef with the Dutch team anyway? that has got to be a record number of yellow cards given to one team in a single game...), the last drops of beer were swallowed or thrown on the floor, and the masses moved silently toward the train stations and finally to home where a restless sleep welcomed them. a small percentage stayed out to party their sorrows away, waking up the next morning on the floors in corners of the train stations, greeted by reporters ready to ask them to relive their experience and share their responses. I'm sure they were happy to wake up to that....
Oh, Oranje! they were so close. so close! any other goal might have felt more deserved, had it not been the result of an off-side play (or was it undeserved goal-kick?). but now Holland is trying to process a loss that feels unjustified. it's so unsatisfying. this is no closure to the hard fought road to the finals.
four years feels like a long time right now.

Oranje boven, oranje boven!

dane, the party was a wonderful beer-soaked, victory-high, oranje-crazed, happy event. no one expected it. the tension, the fear, the hope, it was so thick you could hardly breath. and then the goal! relief at having a chance, then a second goal! literally no words to describe the vibe in that bar. even with the 35*C indoors we all somehow had the energy to jump around and yell for the next 4 hours. the energy carried every single person along, finally dumping us exhausted from the excitment at our doors at 1, 2, 3a.m. the next morning. beating Brazil was almost (almost!) as satisfying as winning the cup. almost. but now there's hope. bring the Germans!

como te va?

i'm doing well.
not exactly where i hope to be these days.
i thought i'd be working hard, building my way up in some brilliant career in psychology, slowly becoming famous and well respected for my great insight and innovative work...
instead, i just barely graduated, haven't even had a job interview, still don't know where i am going or what i'll be doing, am grasping at every possibility that might lead to work, and am trying to convince myself that it's ok to take it slow and that i should find meaning in the little things i do do, like rummikub with old ladies and keeping the house in order so my hard working husband who IS building up in his career doesn't have to help clean on saturdays and can actually have a day of rest.
i was feeling sorry for myself one morning about it all, then i went to the psych clinic where i accompany some of the patients on walks around the neighborhood, and this 83 yr old told me without a trace of emotion, her entire life story (which was not particularl easy or pleasant) up to the last week in whcih she had attempted suicide.
ah, my little problems and insecurities, though certainly real and worth addressing, are at least not even close to bad enough to lose all meaning in life and wish it to end. i can live with this. and really, i've got it good. i was secretly enjoying the life of a housewife (just too ashamed to admit it cause, well, every modern girl should take full advantage of her possibilities and staying at home is simply a waste of all those years that the feminists fought for our freedom...) but now i'm just gonna accept that i enjoy some parts of this, not feel so guilty for not putting my brand-spankin-new diploma to good use, and feel better about myself.
it does help to not even look at job ads: "psychologist wanted; min 5 yrs experience; preferably fantastic stats skills and extensive knowledge of SPSS and related systems; good management skills; good analytic skills; strong leadership skills; great at conflict resolution; conscienscious, responsible, flexible, driven, client-oriented; will only be considered if a) in emergency situations can slip in and out of a phone both in seconds, coming out with a blue suit with a bright S on the front and fly away to save the world, and/or b) have a thick beard, clear blue eyes, white flowing robes, and a perceptable halo floating over head."

soccer momentarily removes all worries. HUP HOLLAND!

canta, no llores!

well, mexico's out, after a terrible would-have-been-illegal-if-FIFA-would-get-off-their-fucking-high-horse-and-introduce-video-replay goal which created confusion and chaos amongst the Mexican team and led to the most embarassing blunder in soccer history reducing hopes of making it further down to a fading glimmer. which was subsequently stomped out with the only goal that Argentina actually deserved. even the one fantastic goal by the Mexican team could not create enough hope to bring them through; it was just enough to save face and allow the team to go out with their shoulders straight.

now, with Mexico out, my hopes rest solely on the powers of Oranje.

so come on Holland!

hup! hup!

tomorrow, 16:00 hrs!

NL vs....shit. Brazil.

well, it's been a good run. at least you didn't embarrass yourself on international television with the whole world (that gives a shit about soccer) watching.

in further news, I have officially graduated and am now the proud holder of a masters degree in Applied Cognitive Psychology. (well, actually, I had to send it back and ask for a new one with my name spelled Amanda instead of Amande on it. but in a week, I'll have it for reals). today I put that hard earned degree to good use by doing three loads of laundry, mopping, cleaning the toilets and shower, playing Rummikub with an 88 yr old lady, and spending an unhealthy amount of time on gmail, Facebook, BBC, and the Daily Show website. the job search...not going so well. I was, however, kindly told that I would be recommended by one of my professors who works in the safety world and who was impressed by my choice of courses and particularly interested in my masters thesis, which, as luck would have it, happened to be in the same field in which he started his career way back when. how nice. he'll keep his eye out for interesting jobs for me. (he also previously promised to arrange an internship for me in Singapore but that never happened...so we'll see). he also informed me that he liked some of my powerpoints so much that he uses them in some of his classes. I wonder if I should ask for royalties? meh, I'll just bask in the bliss of knowing that something I did is actually useful in the real world.

well, that third load of laundry is ready to be hung up and supper won't start itself.
cheers, y'all.