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You know that verse from Jeremiah? "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." My mom was talking to a friend of mine about faith and trusting in God. She mentioned this verse, but then she said that people focus on this verse and the rarely look at the one that follows: "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Basically, she said, most people think that all they have to do is sit back, relax, and wait for God's great plan for their lives to work out. But we forget that knowing Him takes more than simply sitting back and waiting. We ignore that second verse because it takes discipline and conscious effort.
And I know that this seems so standard, basic... But I must admit that I have done that probably for the majority of my life. I take it for granted that things will just work out and that God will simply be there. And that is true, to some extent, but I have certainly not put any real effort into relationship (whatever that means, anyway) with God for the past four years. Occasionally I have, sure, when something big comes up. But I feel like I'm missing something...something structural... I dunno. For some reason, what my mom said struck me.
I feel like this isn't coming out right...I'm sick of cliche Christian phrases to describe my spiritual life... perhaps that is why I don't do anything in that department...I want to avoid the 'standard' Christian life...I'm so incredibly sick of organized religion and all that comes with it, that I prefer the comfort of un-involment and lazy acknowledgment but disregard for the presence of God. Perhaps I am too hard on myself... I do sense God, all the time. I don't know how to word it, but I feel him... But I'm happy with that and want nothing more. But shouldn't I?
In any case, something is 'amuck'...
And now I'm going to bed...

If I could be a superhero, I'd be a super-spider-terminator...

I had a small moment of success today. The kid I take on respite outings on Monday's usually eats only the meat out of whatever the meal of the day is. Last time we had pizza, he refused to eat anything other than the meat and cheese. Today, I got him to eat the whole thing, crust, bread, and everything! I wanted to tell everyone there how excited I was, but no one was too interested... so I'll just tell you all now, instead.

Spiders, it seems, can sense fear, and use it to their advantage for the sake of pure entertainment. They choose those who are most afraid of spiders to crawl onto, picking the especially ticklish parts (like neck, ankles, calves, underside of arms). Then, they wait for the moment where their victim notices that the tickle is not a stray hair or caused by the breeze. The spider pauses, bracing himself for the reaction to come, in which the victim loses all sense of decorum and social reserve by making awful and amusing screeches and snorts while dancing around, flailing arms and legs, and occasionally flapping items of clothing (its especially best when the spider can make his way under particularly important articles of clothing, which enhances the reaction). I firmly believe that all spiders around the particular room where the event occurs are doubled over in laughter, and the spider himself is the hero of the hour in spider world.

Dishes, Macy Gray, and the mysterious speaker found on one of Josh's old cd's...

This morning I actually slept until 11! That was after a restless night, waking up at 5am to pee, and dreaming that my girls from work followed me home (cept, it wasn't my house, just some other house that I somehow knew was my house...know how that goes in dreams?), and they would not leave even though I kept yelling at them to leave me alone... I think I've been working a little too much...
After rolling out of bed to again use the bathroom (I seriously have the bladder of a 5yr old), I went to Fairway to get coffee creamer and load up on fruit. While picking out some mangos, some older looking (40s-50s) guy walks by and says, "How YOU doing today?", in a very Count Olaf creepy sort of way. I half smiled and turned away. Later, I caught him staring at me from different parts of the store. He was standing by the meat section on the back wall when I wanted to get the creamer, so I cut through the middle of the store, through the aisles. I look up, and there he is, walking toward me. I turn to the left to pick out some dishsoap, and he follows me. Then he says, "I'm not following you or anything, just trying to get out of here" - yeah, through the easiest route in the store... freaky fucker. Then, later he passes me again and says, "You have a nice day now", and gives me a twice over. I coulda slapped him. Where are the big, trusty, male friends when you need them? Ugh.
When I got home, I vented my frustration into dishes with Matt. We cleaned up the kitchen and it looks amazing...well, as amazing as a carpeted, 50's-style kitchen can look...It seems that cleaning seems to be our favorite thing to do together. Weird. I have to admit though, I actually enjoy it. My mother would be shocked.
We listened to this cd found in a pile of my cd's, that I am very sure was never mine. First some great, crazy music, then some interview or lecture from this mysterious man. He talked about finding God in literature, realizing the Jesus was sent to fix his Father's mistakes, and that the reason the gospel of Thomas was dismissed was that the Christians of the day did not want to accept the truth that we are divine and that God needs us for His presence and power to be expressed. I found him interesting, though I must say that the only credible thing he said was that imagination is one of the most powerful avenues to finding God. Anyway, I'm really curious as to who that was...
Now, I am listening to Macy Gray, who I forgot that I liked, and taking a break before cleaning the bathroom. I wonder what this house will look like after I leave... Unless Matt stays here, it's just going to go to shit, I fear. :)

Anyone up for camping the weekend before Dane and I leave?

No matter what time I go to bed, I cannot sleep past 10 anymore...

I'm in the process of burning all of Dane's music... I've decided that I want to buy more cd's after this, however, instead of bumming off of other people all the time. There's something nice about actually owning the album, getting all the pretty pictures and words that come with it...
Ann called today, and I got to talk to her for a few minutes. Ann, I miss you. What's great is that after not seeing or talking to each other in months, it felt like we just picked up where we left off, with none of that awkward catching up bullshit. Wish you were here...or I was there... :)
Last night, Carmela and I decided to take Cal up on his offer to use his jacuzzi while he is gone... So we invited a few other people to come with us, and we sat around the tub with our feet in the water drinking beer. Very relaxing. The night came to an end however, when I used the toilet, and after flushing I heard someone yelling from downstairs, "Stop using water!!!" A pipe blew or something, and water was pouring from the ceiling onto Cal's (really nice) piano, and all over his newly finished hardwood floor...
Shit.
In a weird way, I pissed all over Cal's piano.
Double shit.
We cleaned up as well as we could, but poor Cal is going to have alot of work to do.
I'm listening to Ani Difranco at the moment...I think she sounds alot like Alanis Morriset...or Alanis sounds like her. Whatever. I like DiFranco a little more, her music is less decorated (hmm...that's not the word I'm looking for, but my vocabulary seems to be perpetually shrinking).
Ah, Justine, "Both hands" is playing. I think I might even like your 'cover' of it better.
I gotta work. Have a good one, all.