My head feels like a balloon loaded with lead...

this weekend:
- planned on taking 12:44pm train; would have worked if Camiel's class wasn't the last one out (15min late!), the neighbor's had opened the door right away (instead of leaving us standing there waiting for 5 min), and the fucking semi hadn't pulled out in front of me (cutting me off) and then driven 10km below speed limit, all causing me to miss the train by one minute (it was leaving the station as I parked the car...). ah well. i got to Groningen an hour late. it happens. alot, around here.
-was surprised at the station by Luuk, who was carrying 23 roses. :) (and who had been expecting me an hour before, but since he lost his cellphone, thought i went to his place, biked home, found out i'd called a zillion times to tell him i'd be late, biked back, and caught me just before i was ready to leave. cell phones are the most wonderful, helpful invention, i've decided.)
- used one of my movie gift certificates: watched "Babel" (very good!)
- the movie theatre: the kinda place that people who love movies but hate popcorn, crying kids, and blockbusters go; contains a classy (though not overpriced) restaurant and a bar; promotes european, cult, and independent films; red carpet, wide stairways, candle-lit, low lighting, classy atmosphere; extra bonus: less expensive than other theatres. nice.
- beat Luuk at Settlers (the card game...)
- slept in till 12 on Saturday
- woke up Sunday with Luuk's cold
- was ready to take the 8:17pm train last night (so I'd be home by 11pm), when a train broke down between Groningen and the next station, stopping all train traffic for hours; had to take the bus to the next station; a normally 15min train ride took almost 60min by bus; ended up taking different train (the one that stops at every station instead of going straight through); got home at 12:30am.
- waking up this morning sucked
- i did sleep very well last night (!)

Last night, "My Utmost for His Highest", topic was the new life after Christ and experiencing grace. I suddenly realized what part of my problem is: I have never had that black/white old-life/new-life difference. I grew up in a Christian home, can remember at least 5times praying ("this time for real, cause last time I didn't mean it!") for salvation, but cannot remember ever not believing in God... My life is really a series of old and new lives, neither of them really that different from the last. How do you see grace when you cannot compare it to lack of grace in your own life?