Weird how history (even recent history) seems to repeat itself. When I watch BBC, I constantly am haunted by deja vu.
Titanic is on tv. I hated that movie. Except for the whole sinking of the ship - that part was cool. Love story, worthless.
The other day a swan stepped into the road in front of me as I was driving. I slowed down enough to watch him slowly cross the road and jump into the canal. There are swans, blue and grew herons (sp?), and numerous ducks and geese all over the place here...The duck I crossed paths with Thursday night after getting lost, driving an extra 1.5hrs, speeding to get home before 2am (which didn't happen), did not fare quite so well. The lights on my car are not very bright, so suddenly (as i sped down the road at an impressive 90kph) I saw this beautiful emerald head turn to look curiously at me just before the shock registered on his cute little duck face and he was hit head on by and equally shocked me...The first loud thump was followed by the sound of him rolling around under the car. He didn't roll under the wheels though, so there is a slight hope that he survived. I almost cried. :(
I missed Carmela's bday. I'm bummed. It sounded like fun.
Luuk commented to me recently that he noticed that it seems like I do not feel as if God gives a damn about me. He sees it especially when he hears me pray, as if I am praying to a wall or some all-seeing Eye that is focused elsewhere. As if I am going through the motions not really expecting to be heard. Because I am insignificant. And it's true. I guess I do see it like that. I know in theory it's not true - He cares for us all, loves us, wants the best for us, etc.... But seriously, why would he? What possible difference could my, our, lives make to him? How can we be so arrogant to assume that what we do, think, feel, believe is noticed, much less taken seriously?
8 years ago
6 comments:
yeah. I often feel the same way... and behave the same way, as if the motions are so easy that they've lost all of their meaning. When will we be able to own our spirtuality?
peace is very visible in swans.
give dane a hug for me when you see him next.
love you.
we did have fun at carmela's bday, but carmela and i had a moment to think of you. (especially when she was looking at her phone.)
About spirituality...I often feel the same too, but you already know that. I'd try and offer some encouragement, yet would feel somewhat hypocritical if I did at this present time. Hope you get everything sorted out somehow, take care...
faith, i guess. you just gotta believe it, as ludicrous as it may sound.
Amanda, aunque te sientes asi aveces, se que realmente quieres a Dios y vives para el.
Te quiero mucho, hermana!
yoga... amanda come back so we can get in the zone... seriously one of these days I'm going to buy a yoga zone dvd... if such a thing exists. And God cares...
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