blissful despondency

The world is covered with a thick haze. Everything is weighted, slower, as if submerged in beautiful white water. Rowing the boat across the canal is a surreal experience. The water is dark and still as glass. I'm filled with an over-whelming urge to jump in. I feel lost in whiteness.
But I experience no panic, rather a sort of drowsy peace. The birds slept in today. All is quiet. I can actually stare at the sun, a big white ball glaring through the clouds, without my eyes hurting right away. I'll probably go blind some day just because of that one minute today. Suddenly the white becomes unbareably bright. I squint my eyes, burning and filling with tears. For some reason, I think it would feel good to let the tears keep falling. Instead, I look away from the white world, let my eyes settle on something dark for a few seconds.  "I will follow you into the dark" replays in my head...the time for sleep is now...