Update for the interested.

Events of the past few days:
-Friday: I wandered into a market, a very modern and beautiful Buddhist monastary, a colorful Hindu temple, and a run-down, quaint Malaysian Village where I met a very friendly man who sold me a Coca-cola and told me about living in Singapore and then introduced me to a goofy old guard with a heavy accent who gave me a personal tour of the old village with some detours to show me off to his friends.
- Saturday: Golfing with Luuk at 11am (the hottest time of the day). Then Chinatown with a Singaporean girl from church and an American business man from out building. We took pictures, tried strange fruits and candies, visited another temple, then finished the night off with dim sum surrounded by the ever growing crowds of people. Back at the apartment, we started "Band of Brothers" and got hooked.
- Sunday: Went to the middle of the island where there is a tropical forest reserve to be found. Five minutes walk into the forest and the surrounding city was forgotten. We walked a total of 10km; crossed a bridge swinging over the jungle canopy; took pictures of the tree tops with city towers in the background; met some monkeys who were kind enough to pose for us long enough to take many pictures of them picking each other's butts and swinging from branches; then fed some turtles in the pond before coming across a sign with a picture of a hand dropping food to the turtles with a big red X over it...oops. Dinner was followed by more "Band of Brothers". It's addictive.
- Monday: Started the day with "Band of Brothers", felt sick after lunch, postponed a trip to the famous Singapore zoo. Felt better after more "Brothers". Golfing at 3 when the sun was a bit lower (we learned our lesson), then a walk through the Botanical gardens followed by a yummy Indian dinner...
- This morning: woke up at 6am with intense sharp abdominal pain, followed by some digestive...issues. Luuk woke up a bit later with similar complaints. Yay for yummy Indian food...
- The rest of today: Options limited. Everything is closed for New Year's... cept for the zoo. "Brothers" is done, even the extras. And we don't want to go too far without our new best friend, Mr. Toilet. That leaves...swimming pool?

Cosmopolitan

This is one big shopping mall. I have yet to find a building that does not have some sort of shopping centre in it or around it. Not good for my habits of self-control. And dangerous to Luuk's wallet...
It's also one big fashion show. Not good for my self-satisfaction. Suddenly everything about myself, how I dress, etc., that I had no problem with before is continually more and more flawed in comparison with them. These petite, skinny, beautiful Asian women who would look cute in anything but of course they have to make it worse for us big, tall, fat, ogres from the west by dressing in the most feminine, attractive, fashionable clothing out there. Jeans are for losers or lazy Americans. Bring out the dresses, skirts, flowing, colorful, and beautiful. While we are at it, we will make it difficult for you non-Asian women by making every dress 4inches too short. And size L...we've never heard of it.
How these people afford it, I don't know. You pay big bucks to look so hot. Nothing is cheap in this place. Maybe at one of the little market stands I might find something costing less than back in Europe, like the hand carved chess set with only three knights we got the other day, but the necessities like food, shampoo and alcohol will suck your bank account dry. But then, why buy in when you can eat out for 2bucks a meal?
This place... Hip, modern, beautiful and nothing I expected. It's so easy to get lost.

Little India.

Little India, a section in the northern part of the city, is like a village from another world that somehow got lost in the modern Singapore that surrounds it. Streets are wide enough for a row of tightly parked cars and trucks, leaving enough space for one way traffic to flow at ridiculous speeds, somehow avoiding the criss-crossing pedestrians. Sidewalks exist somewhere under the restaurants and stores that spill out of their front doors. Flowers and pottery and bangels and little statues of a fat buddha sitting next to multi-limbed hindu goddesses and fruit and scarves, all for sale at special new-year prices. How much does this cost?, "Ah, that is 120, but I will give you a good price, let's talk. You like it?"

Past the market, down the street, an old mosque, more beautiful than any I have seen in Europe. Leaving shoes at the door, I ask for a robe to cover my bare arms but am told my a smiling lady that I am dressed "ok". There is no one around and the room decorated in intricate green and gold carvings and arches is peaceful and cool. I feel the urge to pray but not knowing how well that would go over from another god's temple, choose instead to wander quietly and take pictures, hoping Allah won't mind my irreverance too much. A few blocks down, a tall, simple, inspiring Methodist church. Then a colourful, aging building once belonging to a mission, now a women's centre. A man smiles at me from his truck where he sits in the heat, waiting for something or someone. Men here are friendly and polite, not yet once making me uncomfortable with their attention.
Later I find a hindu temple, covered in stories told by minature statues. Flower garlands drape the necks of gods and goddesses, men and women bow and cry and murmur in front of them, blessing, thanking, begging for good things to come. An old woman sits in front of an eight-armed goddess, moaning and wailing, eyes wide, crossed and wandering, her arms shaking as she makes a motion of pulling water over herself. A hindu priest in a long white cloth wrapped around his waist, his dark hair in a tight bun on top of his head, a red dot on his forhead, his bare chest spotted with white and red paint, accepts gifts from devotees and drapes them around the neck of the goddess of fertility. The temple is beautiful and sad, I leave with a strange feeling of dissatisfaction, the smell of inscense following me for another block.
The sun is higher and hotter now, my feet start to hurt as I approach a buddhist temple. Next door is another, and across the street yet another. I briefly think of Sioux Center and smile at the similarity. This temple is tall, to fit the cartoonish 15m version of a cross-legged, sitting Buddha dressed in bright yellow. At his feet, rows of candy, creams, milk, flowers and other gifts. A stern looking woman sits behind a sort of desk, playing with a cellphone and not-so-subtlely watching my every move. Next door, "the temple of a thousands lights", a room full of statues and flourescent bulbs of all sizes. No pictures allowed. Across the street, another temple, this one speaking of centuries of use, built out of dark wood covered in carvings and gold symbols. Gold buddhas in different forms sit under glass cases, oil lamps burn on stands in front of them From the ceiling hang chinese lanterns, to the side a large wooden buddha, fat and happy with big droopy earlobes. The roof is covered with hundreds of clay dragons.

My feet hurt and the skin on my arms starts to itch, indicating a deep burn from hours of walking in the sun. I head back to our apartment where smiling workers dressed in smart suits greet me. The pool beckons, where I soak in more sunshine, this time with sunscreen on my nose, and stare at the tall buildings surrounding the pool deck on every side, my blue pool towel the only bright color to be seen.

Ranting.

I watched alot of in-flight movies the past month. Some were quite good; others I would say that I wasted my time on but as they really just served the purpose of helping me pass the time on 8+hr flights, I guess I can't really say that. But they annoyed me so much that I am going to vent on you lovely folks.

Mamma Mia!: Absolutely ridiculous movie. Potentially amusing plot, lost in Abba songs that didn't quite fit the story line. Who makes a movie based on Abba songs anyway? A warning before I started watching would have been good. I never listened to them before; now I hate them. And the ending! Pff. As I am sure none of you will be watching it, being probably better informed than I was, I can spoil the twist... The girl finally figures out that she is ok not knowing who her dad is, is happy having three new men in her life who are equally as happy to accept her as daughter and spoil her as such (go figure), and then decides that she doesn't actually want to marry the guy she was going to marry and tells him at the altar that they should hold off for a while and travel the world together first. As if they couldn't enjoy traveling together married. What is with people and thinking that you need to experience life and the world before getting married, as if after that point you can no long experience anything worth while? As if it somehow magically changes the wonderful, happy relationship you had before you married into something less wonderful and happy? Marriage is a dead end; no wonder half of married people want out.

The Women: Meg Ryan's great come back. Usually I'm ok with, even enjoy, this sort of cheesy, girls-porn chick-flicks in which after a period of uncertainy (i hate him, i love him, is it really him, why won't he call?), the girl eventually gets the guy, he fufills her every dream, totally (and very realistically) reading her very mind and of course changing from the frumpy, disgusting, frustrating man to the perfect prince that she always wanted because he finally realizes how much he loves her, can't live without her, etc., and all live happily ever after. In this movie, starring only women (the men are mentioned but never seen, even though their existance controls every aspect of their lives), her husband is found to be cheating on her with some slutty hot easy-to-hate dumbo who is obviously inferior to her in all aspects except the attention she eagerly bestows on the said man (who of course happens to be rich and goodlooking). In the end, Meggy leaves her man, finds her self, and in the midst of it all suddenly becomes attractive to her husband again who wants her back (though of course he doesn't actually dump the slut till Meg says ok to a second try...bastard). So the moral of the story is: if your husband cheats on you, it's your own fault for not paying enough attention to him and allowing yourself to become dependent, predicatable, busy, and uninteresting. To get him back simply 'find yourself' (whatever the hell that means), create your own life that does not include him, become independent, throw your insecurities and, if possible, a bit of that old fashioned modesty into the wind, and then he will suddenly find you as interesting as the slut he's banging and all will be made well. In other words, change everything about yourself and show him you won't need him and he will want you back....and you will live happily ever after. Of course, men are just like babies and wives their abandoned toy.

Ahh.
I feel better.

Back to sunshine and 28*C weather. Today I am going to find some Buddhist temples and an Indian market. Lovely.

I'm sitting in the family van, on the way home after a game of putt-putt. I feel a light tap on my shoulder but ignore it. A few seconds later, another tap. I see in the rear-view mirror that Kayla is giggling to herself. She slowly reaches forward, unaware that I can see her. Her hand almost touches my shoulder and I quickly reach around and grab it. Ha! Gotcha!
"How'd you know my hand was there?"
I have an eye in the back of my head. Didn't you know?
"No way. You don't have an eye in the back of your head." Her voice pitches a little higher than usual, a hint of doubt.
Yes, I do. Every one starts growing one when they get married so by the time they have kids, they can always see what is going on behind them.
"Nuh-uh."
Yes, it's true. Ask dad.
"Dad, is it true?"
(Stiffled snicker...), Yep... (Hehe!)
"Nuh-uh. He's lying."
Well, just ask mom when you get home. You'll see.
"Nuh-uh. It's not true."
It is. Just wait till you get married, then you will get one.
"No, as soon as we get home, I am looking it up on the internet!"

Quickie

Lucy is drinking the last bits of my coffee out of my cup. I was thinking of getting seconds... A new cup might be a good idea.

Something that made me happy this week: finding out that there is a place in town where I can buy clove cigarettes! I haven't had one of those in over two years. I am so excited!

Another thing that made me happy this week: yarn. I took up crocheting again, just for a bit, to make a scarf for my old lady. She keeps commenting on all my big, fuzzy scarves, so I decided to make one for her. I had forgotten how therapeutic crocheting can be.

I have two weeks left of this semester. Before we leave for Texas I have to: research the Challenger accident, prepare my part of a one hour presentation, study for Cognitive Aging final exam, catch up on all the Cog.Aging reading (meh), get and finish the take-home exam for Human Error, pack for two trips (TX; Singapore), arrange someone to take care of my plants, stock up on Lucy's basics and take her to friends, work out details for when/how/with whom to do my masters thesis, find out of I am getting that internship at Vopac while in Singapore... and yeah, that's about it... Oh, and before Saturday I have to write a poem in Dutch about my father-in-law for Sinterklaas.

Oh, and a third thing that made me happy this past week: we put up our Christmas tree! And I love it, in all its gaudy glory!

and they will remember me for my amazing achievements reached with such incredibly little effort...

are psychologists allowed to self-diagnose? i think i am exhibiting some symptoms of SAD or winter depression or whatever you want to call it. i sleep alot, but not well, am always tired, feel very unmotivated, can't concentrate, hate going outdoors, and just want to curl up under a warm blanket all day. or maybe its cause i don't exercise enough, don't make myself keep a regular sleep schedule, and it's just plain cold in our house... hmm.

so, this masters program is (deceivingly?) easy. i will take a total of 6courses by the time i am done. i go to class max. 4 times a week. i have one big assignment for each class and only have one test, so far. what am i really learning, anyway? i am afraid i will leave this program feeling as incompetent and unskilled as i did before i started. shit. or maybe i know more than i realize i know and will be the brilliant psychologist who comes up with some world-saving theory or system that beats them all. yes, yes. that's me. the unmotivated, lazy, student who can't even bother herself to use capital letters when writing her blog, with dormant genius, just waiting for the right moment to show it's potential.

'tis the season to pull pranks...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/west_midlands/black_country/7704603.stm

"i'm all aloooone in the world... there's no one here besiiii-hiiide meeee-hee!"

i hate it when people go and get one of those things for their blog where you can only read it if you are invited.
and of course they don't invite me.
bastards.

luuk is gone for 10 days... 2 down, 8 more to go. i slept like a baby last night; 8hrs straight. if you know me, you know that is a feat worth celebrating. but i hate being alone in this house. its creaky and spooky when alone. and there are spiders, which i now have to kill on my own instead of calling my brave husband to do it for me. and when i am alone, i get lazy with cooking, so i start eating like crap which means either i get fat or i get under-nourished, depending on the mood of the week.

a once close friend who i lost touch with for the past four years found me on facebook yesterday. it's really quite cool to hear people's stories after you have been out of touch for a while. this guy, i though would spend his life in the same town he grew up with, married to someone he had known all his life, and send his kids to the same school and church and die only three blocks away from his childhood home. but now he is an engineer now for some nascar team in a completely different state. traveling the country. granted, he is marrying a girl from hometown...but he's taking her with him.
funny how things work.
i like facebook.

we bought a basil plant a few weeks ago. it started dying so i thought i was watering it too much so i stopped watering it as often and then it really started to die and i found out from an italian friend (of course she would know) that it needs to be soaked in water all the time and so i really soaked it and now its alive again... anyway,so this basil plant also came with a steady flow of fruit flies. they are everywhere. i thought i woulda killed them all by now but they keep appearing. and they are little bitches to kill too, cause they are small and they fly really erratically (wow that can't be how you spell that), so i end up swatting at the air most of the time. fuckers.

my cold is finally starting to wind down. i spent last week on the couch drinking tea and blowing snot all day. now i just sound like a dying smoker hacking her lungs out. this is slightly less annoying and disgusting. and my head doesn't feel 10lbs heavier. yay.

on that note, y'all have a good day. cheers!

d'oh!

my ballot application came back in the mail with no explanation. so i sent it again. but now i think it really is too late. crap.

Don't forget to vote.

I filled out my absentee ballot today. I think I might be late. Why doesn't Iowa have an online option for procrastinators?

Frankly, I am so sick of this year's political mess that I really don't even feel like voting. Maybe I subconsciously delayed my application for absentee voting so I would have an excuse not to vote. I am an irresponsible citizen. But seriously, what a circus. When did American elections get so crazy? Do candidates/parties in other countries spend billions on making a big show of self-proclamation and the defamation of the opposition? It makes me nauseous. I was actually excited to see Obama as a candidate. That excitement has turned hard and dark, like something cooked too long and too hot. The only thing motivating me at the moment to vote is the slight possibility of Palin becoming President. What an embarrassing disaster that would be.

If it's not too late, I will do my duty. And then, I hope never to hear the words "maverick", "change", "Obamarama", or "McLame" ever again. And if people even start thinking about the elections again before Jan 2012, I will sew little Canadian flags to all my bags and jackets and start saying "eh?" in every other sentence.

Vitalizee

yesterday, i had my first experience at a european spa.

a friend of mine is getting married and needed a de-stressor; three of us spent the afternoon together in much more intimate circumstances than i am used to spending with friends.

we feel much closer now.

i have never seen so many naked people in one place.

i have never been naked in front of so many people at once.

after about 5 min, i got used to it. no one is really looking any way.

4 hrs of steam rooms, saunas, herbal baths, whirlpools and salt scrubs: pure relaxation.

next time i am going to book a massage.

pre-quarter-life crisis

today as i sat in my 9am class for which i had pushed myself out of bed at 7:30am and forced my breakfast and coffee down my throat and rushed to the tram stop to get into the overfilled, sweaty, smelly tram, so i could again rush to the train where i could sit next to van Morningbreath, i realized that i was not met with the reward that any subject that i have ever loved learning about has ever provided. i am forcing myself through this because i have to. because i chose this masters program over others. because this program would require less premasters courses. because i thought i could start last year. which i didn't. so now i am regretting my overenthusiasm and lack of patience. maybe i shoulda waited for something better.

the art of applying psychology... really, marketing psychology or selling psychology... so not my thing. and what about this applied data analysis class i am doing? again, not my thing.
what if human error and cognitive aging turn out to also not be my thing? the only two other courses left in my masters program are neuromodulation and some other one that i momentarily can't remember. is that what i really want to work in after i get that nice little paper entiteling me to a bigger salary?

what i am i doing in this program?

i don't even know what i would prefer to be doing. all i know is that i don't like this at the moment.

maybe it will get better. maybe cognitive aging will turn out to be the class that starts my amazing, fulfilling, lifelong career in...old people.

when i started studying psychology, i did it because i thought it was really interesting. few subjects interested me as much. but the prospect of applying all these interesting facts about how people work and think, and actually doing something with it all seems so unsatisfying. so maybe it's not this program. maybe it, whatever 'it' is, is me.

i must be tired...

i fell asleep on the couch after getting back from a morning of babysitting and workgroups. i woke up two hours later. now i feel medicated.

oh, the big question... what is the meaning of life?

started my masters program this week. immediately swamped with assignments and work. will be a busy year. thats good, i guess. i feel slightly lost though. this is very different than what i thought i would be doing when i first started studying psychology. the current class i am taking is somewhat more in the direction of business and sales. its called the art of applying psychology but really it should be called the art of manipulating big companies into giving you their money. (the exact words of our professor himself).

shit, i just realized that i forgot it was garbage day today. now our garbage will be sitting in a bag on our porch for another week. ugh.

anyway... so not sure yet if i should be disillusioned, excited, or remain undecided until my other classes start and i can get a fuller picture of what this master entails and what it might mean for future career possibilities. in any case, i am not heading to life of listening to other peoples problems and trying to fix their emotional issues. or at least, not one that pays for it.

i will have to wait and see, i guess.

the things that make me smile...

the day i look forward to most in a week is usually thursday, when i visit my old lady. weekends are an automatic trump though. weekends are great.

the highlight of my week so far was when i walked into the door at the house where i tutor spanish. the youngest, eva, immediately burst into a tears and wailing, knowing that my presence means that mommy is leaving for what must seem like forever to a kid. but then the oldest, gabriel, came running up to me while yelling Bye Mommy!, asked me for Huggy, which means pick him up, and then wrapped his little arms around me and stuck his sticky nose into my neck and said I love you Amanna!
they are starting to say some spanish words, too. finally. which is great, cause it means that i am not a total failure at this tutoring stuff and i dont have to feel guilty for the money i make on it.

the most interesting point of this week has been the end to a drawn out fight with a mouse. he made his appearance last week when we were in the living room and lucy was running around freely. you would think he would be smart enough to stay out of sight. anyway, we tore apart the living room trying to catch him and/or squish him with the broom, but to no avail. he even ran across the tops of three mouse traps we have put in front of the space he would come out of behind one of the book shelves... and on sunday when we had 8people over, he came out again, even running around on the window sill next to the heads of several of our guests (much to the displeasure of some of them who prefer to stay away from these sorts of creatures).
we finally decided to use the same strategy as before and keep the door to the living room closed so he couldnt get out and to offer him only one source of food. on the mouse trap. finally, after days of chasing the pesky, though cute, mouse and after several failed attempts to catch him and after surviving several personal encounters with the mouse traps that never managed to get the mouse but always managed to get my thumbs and fingers, last night while we were falling asleep luuk suddenly exclaimed "I heard the trap!" and lo and behold, this morning there was a dead little mouse waiting for disposal.

after dealing with my mixed feelings of guilt and relief, i decided to head out for my day of babysitting/tutoring. i opened the door and for some reason looked down. right there, next to the door was a dead mouse. it seems that he had met his demise in the corner of the door as it was closing. the shape of the corner was seriously imprinted into him and his whole body was squished flat and well, in an L shape.

i wasnt sure if i should laugh or throw up. i chose for the former and picked him up with a bag and threw him out. now he is stinking up our garbage can. good thing its garbage day today.

Back to business as usual.

Luuk and I spent two weeks on the island of Vlieland (north, above Friesland) with his parents at the family summer house. The island is like a giant park, complete with forest, dunes, and beach. And a tiny adorable town on one side and summer homes and camp grounds on the other. We read alot, swam occasionally (in the freezing north sea water), played alot of Rummikub and a game called Toup (or something like that), and biked into the wind from one side of the island to the other (I still havent recovered). Relaxing, quiet, calm, restful...perfect for a short vacation.

Meanwhile, a friend was taking care of Lucy for us. The day before we got her back, they found out she is allergic to bananas. I have tried to feed her banana before but she wasnt interested, so I did not have the pleasure of finding this out on my own. At some point after taking a taste of someones banana, she started making gargling noises and wretching and foaming at the mouth. After googling what to do with a wretching rat, it was decided that the best option was to take her to the vet. So four people rushed this poor rat to the animal emergency room where she was injected with steriods and sent home after her swollen throat started to go back to normal size and she could breath again. She is now fully recovered and back to digging holes in my flower pots.

Today Luuk started working in a new section of the bank, part of the training program where they use the trainees to fix their lack of employee problem, a result of bad management, instead of sending them to the sections that they were promised. A bit of a bummer. But I guess that is the real world. It will be interesting, anyway.

I am back to an empty house, being the good housewife, until the masters program starts in two weeks. In the meantime I will be finishing the book for my old lady and putting the finishing touches on a three party bachelorette night with some friends. The possibility of coffee with Inge Henderson somewhere in the next two weeks has also come up.

I will post again when my life is a bit more interesting.

Cheers.

favor

anyone in the sioux center area can/want to pick up luuks sister from minneapolis airport on aug. 19, around 6pm? you will be duly compensated. :)

she has been smoking all her life and just turned 81.

writing in the morning will prove to be a mistake. it is not my brightest time of day.



today i visit my old lady. i really dont know why i call her that. i could call her mrs. gemert (with that gutteral g). or tante sis, which is what every one else calls her. but somehow i like my old lady better. mrs. gemert is too formal; tante sis too informal (though she did say i could call her that). hmm...my old lady....its personalized by using my, but the old lady part...maybe thats too impersonal...

whatever. i like it. i am sticking with it. till i am comfortable enough to say tante sis.



she is sweet, my old lady is. sweet and very direct, which is an interesting combination. and she likes to tease, though i dont always catch it right away so her jokes are sometimes followed by a look of slight disappointment. usually though, they are followed by a good laugh, even bigger when i look at her with a dumb confused look on my face. jokes in another language are just so much harder to catch...

yesterday she called me to make sure i was still coming today. i told her i was still planning on it. and she said that was good, cause she really enjoyed our visits and didnt want to miss it. i almost cried.

the book i am writing for her is going to be very short. maybe i should look at it as a long essay. or a short story. so far, 16 pages. but its the content i am worried about. i am writing in dutch. and my literary dutch is at a very childish level yet. so the book sounds like it was written by a ten year old. at least it will be easy to understand, if they can get past my various grammatical and structural errors. in each sentence. yeah, i am gonna need luuk to edit for me.

i hope i live a long and happy life such as hers. it wasnt without heartache. but it was happy. i just dont like the idea of living longer than all my friends and loved ones. that seems depressing. luuk and i are going to travel alot when we are older, so the likelihood of us dying together in a plane crash is higher. thatd be a way to go. i dunno what would be better. to die in your sleep, unaware that you are going. or to die watching the earth rush up to you, knowing these are your last seconds. hmm.

thats too morbid for a morning.

anyway. so my old lady. she is a happy person. but i think she is lonely. i wish i could do more.

i think i will bring a pastry for the coffee today. it was her birthday last week. she might like that. i would get her flowers, but the guy who walks her dog gives her flowers every day and she sometimes gives them to me when she doesnt know what to do with them all. i think he is secretly in love with her. but she thinks she is too old for love.

this made me smile.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7513571.stm

(watch the video too).