pre-quarter-life crisis

today as i sat in my 9am class for which i had pushed myself out of bed at 7:30am and forced my breakfast and coffee down my throat and rushed to the tram stop to get into the overfilled, sweaty, smelly tram, so i could again rush to the train where i could sit next to van Morningbreath, i realized that i was not met with the reward that any subject that i have ever loved learning about has ever provided. i am forcing myself through this because i have to. because i chose this masters program over others. because this program would require less premasters courses. because i thought i could start last year. which i didn't. so now i am regretting my overenthusiasm and lack of patience. maybe i shoulda waited for something better.

the art of applying psychology... really, marketing psychology or selling psychology... so not my thing. and what about this applied data analysis class i am doing? again, not my thing.
what if human error and cognitive aging turn out to also not be my thing? the only two other courses left in my masters program are neuromodulation and some other one that i momentarily can't remember. is that what i really want to work in after i get that nice little paper entiteling me to a bigger salary?

what i am i doing in this program?

i don't even know what i would prefer to be doing. all i know is that i don't like this at the moment.

maybe it will get better. maybe cognitive aging will turn out to be the class that starts my amazing, fulfilling, lifelong career in...old people.

when i started studying psychology, i did it because i thought it was really interesting. few subjects interested me as much. but the prospect of applying all these interesting facts about how people work and think, and actually doing something with it all seems so unsatisfying. so maybe it's not this program. maybe it, whatever 'it' is, is me.