i am currently wearing a pair of socks that somehow got separated in the laundry and went through different loads...one made it to the dryer, but apparently the other didnt and itsnt fully dry. now it is sucking the warmth right out of my foot...exactly what socks are meant to do... but the other one is so warm, i hesitate to put on another pair. this semidamp one will dry in time, and then it too will warm my foot. in the meantime, i will just sit on that foot and let it suck the warmth out of my ass until its dry.

last weekend i took part in what is called the ontgroening of the first year members of NSL (navigators studentunion leiden). this is also known as the hazing period. being a christian union, it was pretty mild. mostly, it included shitty food, getting yelled at alot, and being allowed a total of 2.5hrs of sleep each night. also, we couldnt shower and they took our bags and extra clothes. se we were a very tired, smelly lot by the end. despite the hardships that we had to endure for an entire weekend, we made it through with little harm done and now are all happy ungreened aspiring members, till january when we become officially part of the club. the worst moment of the whole ordeal was standing before the committee at 4am on the last night, answering questions about the union and its history and singing songs that we had been studying for and learning the past two days. there is one particular song that you are allowed to sing if you cannot answer any question asked. its like a free pass. so, i and this other american girl who has decided to move to holland and coincidently studies a psych master at leiden and also joined NSL, practiced this song more than anything else, hoping it would be our saving card. of course, the minute we stood before the committee all the words mysteriously disappeared from my head. in the meantime, i managed to knock over a guitar, almost step on a pile of lit candles on the floor, and forgot the names and positions of each of the committee members (absolute must know). ah yes. i made a great impression.

its intersting how incredibly nervous one can get even about the things that you know really dont actually matter. the standing before the committee is really just a funny formality purely for the entertainment of the committee itself; if you do shittily, you still get in. so why the nerves? the loss of words? the blood pounding in my ears? who knows. i suppose its this weird psychological anticipation built up by role playing all weekend. we, the fetuses as we are so lovingly called, are new and ignorant and small, and must therefore listen to, respect, and obey the committee (despite the fact that i am actually older than most of them...). funny how that works. this big bunch of students allowed ourselves to be yelled at and mildly abused all weekend by five other students who have no authority over us other than that which we allowed to have.

now that i think about it, it was all pretty ridiculous.

but fun.

though now my sleep rythm is all fucked up again. ah well.

this weekend: painting, putting floors in, cleaning!
next week: move in???