cheer up, little one.

my life is so small. i was browsing around in the blog world and reading about the lives of friends and acquaintences who are off saving the world or at least talking about saving the world while i am barely even thinking about the world outside of my little life...and i just got kind of depressed. partly because on the one hand, so much that other people are doing seems so futile in countries where their efforts barely make a dent in the larger picture of poverty, injustice, etc. (though i am sure the lives they do affect are better off and appreciative), and partly because i feel only more useless, lazy, and ignorant than i did before. in fact, my biggest concern at the moment is this very fact, that i lead such a small life, how lame is that? of course, i keep telling myself it is only temporary. i am waiting for the next step and cant really do much until then. i feel kinda like i am in limbo. though, i shouldnt be too hard on myself. i can give myself credit for holding out till the end of the year with that daycare project. i didnt really feel like i was doing much there and sometimes it was just so hard to make myself go watch a bunch of two year olds run around the room playing or crying for mama. but today was the last day and the mothers seemed very grateful and seemed sorry to see me go. i got a bouquet of flowers and a coupon for a spa and a couple of sticky handshakes from the kids who still cant pronounce my name correctly (to one i am tarratata, whatever that means). and then there is the old lady project, which despite the fact that my dutch story writing is going very slowly, is proving to be a success because we both enjoy each others company and that is really the whole point of the project in the first place. and my little guatemalan spanish tutor kids are starting to repeat words in spanish sometimes, so i view that as a success. perhaps a small life is good, after all, with its little successes and tiny accomplishments and small circles of influence. perhaps i should accept that i will not be a saver of the world but just a...what do they call it? a cog in the whole machine of human civilization? whatever.
i will stop feeling sorry for myself.
and maybe next year i can put my efforts into saving the insane and troubled of this little country so i can pat myself on the back once in a while.

yesterday luuk and i dined with the hendersons. we get to have them on this side of the world for a year. they havent changed much, though all the kids are taller, sabine seems quieter, rose seems to talk more, roger seems more relaxed, and inge seems happy to be home. they found the perfect house for a philosopher to write and think in, and it seems like they will all be happy in their little nest surrounded by fields, canals, and sheep. it was good to see familiar friendly faces and catch up on lost time. we will be taking advantage of this year with them only 1.5hrs away, i am sure.